It has been a while since I last wrote something with depth, though I know I should do so regularly. Today, I’m motivated by a voice message from a friend, reminding me of a paraphrase of Proverbs 11:25: “Those who water others’ vines shall have theirs watered too.”
A few weeks ago, I shared with this same friend some thoughts that recently led her to deep introspection. We talked about how, as Africans, much of our early lives—up to our early or late 20s—are shaped by the decisions of others. Parents, family, school, and society often dominate our choices, leaving little room for true personal authority over our lives until later in adulthood.
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Imagine now that you’re between the ages of 30 and 40. You’ve likely spent the first half of your life under the influence and control of others. But now, you’re starting the second half, the part where you get to take charge.
How would you like to spend the remaining days of your adult life? Who do you want to spend them with, and doing what? While there may not be definitive answers to these questions, thinking about them can certainly help you plan—or at least reconsider—whatever plans you had before.
Typically, between the ages of 28 and 40, we start making decisions for ourselves, independent of the expectations or judgments of others. This is when we begin living on our own terms, taking responsibility for ourselves. Yet, even at this stage, some still struggle with the fear of disappointing family or elders.
During her introspection, my friend reflected on her life and career and realized she had so much to be grateful for. She appreciated her 9-to-5 job and her newly created side hustle.
It made me think: Have you taken stock of your own life? Are you in control of your life’s direction? You might find, like my friend, that you have plenty of reasons to be grateful—whether for your career, the people closest to you, or your journey so far.
Personally, I am grateful for my family, my job, my life experiences, the grace to impact others, new beginnings, and, above all, God’s mercy.
If you’re single and between the ages of 30 and 40, consider yourself fortunate, even if society doesn’t always see it that way. This is a rare opportunity to date deliberately—to be sure about who you want to spend your life with.
Many people who married young admit they didn’t fully understand what they wanted in a spouse. Now, you have the chance to approach it consciously. Of course, there are no guarantees, but doing it deliberately gives you a better shot at getting it right.
Beyond relationships, this is also a time when you can switch careers or learn new skills. In today’s world, it’s clear that having some computer-related skills is crucial, no matter your profession. If you haven’t developed these skills yet, now is the time.
Take responsibility for your life and make the most of this period of independence. Time waits for no one, and there will come a point when major life changes may no longer be as feasible.
Think about how you’ll feel in the future, looking back at this stage in your life. Will you be glad you took the steps to grow and evolve, or will you regret missed opportunities?
Now is the time to create a list of things you want to achieve moving forward. With deliberate effort, you might be surprised at how much you can accomplish and how that checklist could become a reality.
© FadumoPaul
By
Sometimes, we might think that making decisions outside of expectations of the peoples’ in our lives is easy. But it is not. But very achievable.
Thanks for this subtle reminder, to take responsibility for myself.